


A Sun Rises Even After The Longest Of Nights

by Irratia



Series: SeungChuchuWeek 2k17 [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Communication, Crying, Day 3, Late night thoughts, M/M, the crying is me as well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 13:56:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10992321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irratia/pseuds/Irratia
Summary: Seung-Gil is staring at his ceiling, one hand curled in his dog’s hair. She is snoring quietly, but that’s not what’s keeping him from falling asleep. It’s not the loud ticking of the clock in his room. It’s not the fairly loud sounds of the cars passing by outside of his apartment. It’s not even the arguing from his neighbours that he can hear through the wall of his bedroom.It’s him. His thoughts swirling inside his head, the words he said echoing and getting louder with the seconds ticking by.  Seung-Gil squeezes his eyes shut and curls in on himself. He needs to go to sleep. He needs to be up in five hours and go to practice.But it's not possible.





	1. Seoul

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> I hope you enjoy this thingy here. I'm sorry for any mistakes that might occure, but I tried my best and I'm not a native English speaker.

**Chapter 1 – Seoul, 2.22 AM**

Seung-Gil is staring at his ceiling, one hand curled in his dog’s hair. She is snoring quietly, but that’s not what’s keeping him from falling asleep. It’s not the loud ticking of the clock in his room. It’s not the fairly loud sounds of the cars passing by outside of his apartment. It’s not even the arguing from his neighbours that he can hear through the wall of his bedroom.  
It’s him. His thoughts swirling inside his head, the words he said echoing and getting louder with the seconds ticking by.  Seung-Gil squeezes his eyes shut and curls in on himself. He _needs_ to go to sleep. He needs to be up in five hours and go to practice.

But it’s not possible. Not after what happened. Not after what he said. Naree, his Siberian Husky snuggles closer as if she senses her owner’s internal turmoil. They had argued. Seung-Gil and Phichit had argued. Badly. And it had all been Seung-Gil’s fault. He can feel a sob build up in his throat and tries to force it down. And then he realizes it’s one of the reasons their argument had started. The sob rings out sharply in the almost quiet room and Seung-Gil clutches at his shirt. Only that he doesn’t own it .It’s _his_. Phichit’s. It’s an oversized pastel green shirt with a stitched pug on the front in golden and white thread. It smells like him, still, like something warm and a hint of hay.

Seung-Gil pulls the collar up to bury his nose in it and let’s out another shaky sob. He’s not used to showing his emotions this much, which is what Phichit mentioned.   
“It throws me off, Seung-Gil. I never know what you really feel.” he had said.  And at that Seung-Gil had snapped at him. Not just snapped, but full on insulted what Phichit liked. His dream for Phichit! On Ice, his love for his hamsters, for selfies, for social media. Seung-Gil had accused Phichit of not caring enough for him and to prefer his Instagram and Yuuri over Seung-Gil himself.

Which Seung-Gil wouldn’t even take offense for by now. Phichit is too good for him. He’d told him that after he was done insulting. After a long pause in which they had just stared at each other, Seung-Gil breathing hard and Phichit with lightless eyes. Seung-Gil had gathered himself, tried to do so at least and then broken down. Not really though, again, because he’s bad at showing emotions, rather, he had just looked at Phichit and told him.  
“Phichit, you’re too good for me. You should find another boyfriend, or girlfriend, or dating partner. I’m not suitable, you’re way to happy and flashy for someone like me. I’m an asshole and can’t deal with my anxieties and losses.”  
Phichit had yelled at him, telling him, that he was god enough and Seung-Gil hadn’t listened. Just insisted on beating himself into the ground. At some point Phichit had started crying and instead of comforting him Seung-Gil had simply said: “See, I made you cry. I’m not good for you.”

Seung-Gil realizes that he’s crying now. Really, really crying. A thing that hasn’t happened in years, not since he moved out of his home at the age of sixteen. Not since he’s been told that it’s unmanly to cry, that he shouldn’t be this hurt by others giving him shit for figure skating. Seung-Gil has been bullied in school and by his parents. He has never told them about his sexuality, of course. He’s not even talked to them since his eighteenth birthday. It’s because of this, because of constant degrading from other people over years, that he’s this way.

No, it’s not. It’s his very own fault, for not being strong enough to talk about it, or to just swallow it down, for not being able to ignore it. It’s pathetic of him to think other people are the ones he can blame. They gave him a basis of fuelled self-hatred that he could have worked off if he’d just made an effort. But he didn’t and now he’s probably ruined his only ever relationship. With not being open and sociable. No, with being a complete asshole and being egoistic.

Naree whines, as Seung-Gil continues to cry. He got her soon after he moved out , so he wouldn’t feel completely alone. He moves down in his bed, cradling her slowly. She’s soft and snuggles close against him and he buries his face into the fur of her neck.

“What am I going to do?” he asks her in Korean. She doesn’t answer, just licks his forearm. Seung-Gil doesn’t know what to do. Doesn’t know how, if he can fix the shit he’s caused. Phichit couldn’t know why he doesn’t want to be open about their relationship, can’t know why Seung-Gil is stoic and shows the least emotion he can. So of course, it’s not Phichit’s fault, it’s Seung-Gil’s for not telling him anything. And instead of doing so, he just snapped at him and when he wasn’t able to apologize for whatever fucked up reasons he just threw himself to the ground.  
It wouldn’t surprise Seung-Gil if Phichit hates him right now.

But then again, he’s seen Phichit’s face fall. He’s seen his beautiful eyes fill up with tears and it was his doing.  
Seung-Gil feels like he’s suffocating in his own thoughts and the self-hatred once again. And he doesn’t want to keep feeling like this. He should just call Phichit and say sorry, and tell him everything. Or should he? Wouldn’t it really be better for Phichit if he isn’t in a relationship with Seung-Gil anymore?   
Seung-Gil is taking deep breaths, they blend into the ticking of the clock and the cars and Naree’s snoring. The couple next door has stopped arguing. Seung-Gil takes the ticking of the clock and focuses on it. _Tic._ Deep breaths. _Toc._ Deep breaths. _Tic._ What should he do? _Toc._

**Seoul, 4.03 AM**

Seung-Gil makes a decision.

 


	2. Bangkok

**Chapter 2 - Bangkok, 0.22 AM**

Phichit is crying. Not because the storm that is raging outside of his window right now, even though he’s scared. Not because he didn’t make it to the GPF, again. Not even because one of his hamsters died two weeks ago.  
No, Phichit is crying because of Seung-Gil. Because of the idiot he fell in love with who hates himself more than anybody else, probably. He’s crying because they argued and it was ugly and he thought their relationship was going fine, even if Seung-Gil hasn’t opened up over the last four months they have been dating. Phichit is hurt, by the stuff his boyfriend said. Or rather he was hurt, until he saw the realization hit Seung-Gils face and it contorted in pain for a few seconds before he launched himself into a speech full of self-depreciation.

Now, Phichit is used to that kind of talk, he’s been roommates with Yuuri after all, but Yuuri didn’t ever once suggest that Phichit should look for a new best friend. Yuuri never once suggested him to stop being so nice to him, because he thought he didn’t deserve it. Yuuri just beat himself down, which affected Phichit of course, but never in the way Seung-Gil’s words affect him.  
How dare Seung-Gil say he isn’t good enough for Phichit? Phichit was happy, despite the fact that Seung-Gil has been rather reserved with his emotions and what personal things he told Phichit. It was okay, but this evening, when they’d talked over Skype something had been off, with both of them. Phichit has had a bad day a practice and was a bit riled up and when Seung-Gil hadn’t really shown any big changes of his facial expression, Phichit had told him, that it was annoying.

Their communication had never been the best, but this night, it was awful.  
Phichit sniffles, and wonders what Seung-Gil might be doing at this exact moment, but then again he doesn’t want to think about him that much because it just hurts. He’s pondering what he should do, when an idea strikes him. Just a few seconds later he’s got his phone in his hands and dials a number.  
“Hello dear Phi-“ Viktor begins enthusiastically before Phichit shushes him violently.  
“Hi, Viktor. I need something of you, okay? Please don’t give Yuuri any indications of who I am,” he pleads. He can hear Viktor hesitating, at the tone of his voice. It’s wavery and thick and husky. Phichit sounds like he’s been crying which is true, technically.  
“Um, okay. What is going on?” the Russian asks, sounding unsure.

“Can you go somewhere, where Yuuri won’t find you or hear you for some time?” Phichit inquires.  
“Yes, wait a second,” Viktor says ad Phichit can hear shuffling for about twenty seconds.  
“So, what is going on?” Viktor demands next.  
“I had an argument with Seung-Gil, but that’s not the most important thing right now, I mean it is, kind of, but also kind of not. I’m sorry. I just can’t think properly at the moment,” Phichit starts. He can hear Viktor sucking in a deep breath.  
“So, I kind of prodded him because he isn’t really good at showing emotions and after I said that it bothers me bit he freaked out and said some stuff he didn’t mean. And then,” Phichit feels another so forcing its way out of his throat, “Then he just started hating himself. Hating on himself I mean. He said that I was too good for him and that I shouldn’t be his boyfriend anymore. So, Viktor, I have a question: How do you deal with this kind of stuff when Yuuri says it?” Phichit spits out in a rapid pace. His breath is shuddering and tears are trailing down his face again.

Viktor is silent for some time, but Phichit can almost hear him thinking.  
“I… I just love him, I guess. I tell him how much I love him and his company and whatever he is insecure about. It works with him, after a while. Or I don’t say anything, when he doesn’t believe me. I just hug and kiss him a bit,” he finally says.  
“That doesn’t work with Seung-Gil. I tried to tell him his worth and everything and he just kept blocking me out and got deeper into whatever he was thinking!” Phichit says and his voice is husky again, from crying. Viktor quietens down again, for a few moments before he speaks up again.  
“Well, everyone who doesn’t value themselves works different. I think, in Seung-Gil’s case you should just leave him be for the moment, so he can work himself out of his mood. Text him tomorrow or something, it’ll probably be better for both of you to just sleep a bit over it,” Viktor says thoughtfully.  
“And if it doesn’t get better?”

“It will, believe me, it will,” Viktor assures him, and his voice is laced with something melancholy, almost sad but also knowing, “It may take some time, months, years even, but it will get better eventually.  And if you don’t believe me, just think of it as a sunrise. A night can be as dark and stormy as it wants. It can be so long that you may think the light will never come like in Arctic nights, but the sun and simultaneously better times will come eventually. Just wait for it.”  
Phichit let’s that sink in.  
“Yes,” he breathes out eventually, ”I can take that as a thought. Thank you so much. Honestly.”  
Viktor lets out a good natured chuckle.  
“You’re welcome. When you need advice again, just call me. I’ll help and I won’t tell Yuuri, so don’t worry, okay? And catch some sleep.” he says.  
“Yes, I will. Thank you again, and sorry for interrupting.” Phichit mumbles.  
“You’re welcome,” Viktor repeats and then says his goodbye. Phichit replies it and they hang up.

Phichit, who’s lying on his bed turns onto his back and wipes his nose and eyes. He’s tired, but feels better and so, after another hour on Instagram he falls asleep.

**Bangkok, 9.14 AM**

The shrieking ring of his doorbell wakes Phichit. He’s groggy and sleepy but somehow stumbles to his door. The second he opens it he’s awake. Seung-Gil is standing there, with a bag slung over his right shoulder, Naree at his right side and looking like he hasn’t slept since forever. Deep bluish bags under his eyes indicate it, as well as the uncombed hair that’s obviously been carelessly pulled into a small bun. Seung-Gil is wearing Phichit’s shirt he left him.  
“I’m so, so sorry.” the Korean whispers and starts crying. Phichit jumps at him and pulls him into a tight, tight hug. Silent sobs shake Seung-Gil’s shoulders and Phichit starts crying as well.  
“It’s okay. We’re going to be okay.” he whispers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did try to be poetic. I hope you liked though, it was a bit angsty.


End file.
